Decisions, decisions, decisions…

If you were to ask me to title the season of life that I am currently in, I would say, “Well, I think I am currently in a season of decision.” I hate decisions. I’m bad at making decisions. Sometimes even the most simple decision like what pizza toppings to get, where to go for dinner, or what shirt to wear in the morning seem overwhelming. I get so caught up in wanting to decide the exact right thing, that when bigger and ‘more important’ decisions come along, I can quickly feel I’m spiraling down an exhausting, time consuming, confusing, and frustrating path.
 
And I’ve been caught up in that spiral the last few weeks…
 
But I don’t think that is at all where God intends for us to be. He intends for us to journey, by steps of trust, towards His will. These verses have been helping me discover this truth:
 
“Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ …But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” (Matthew 6:31-34 ESV)
 
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.” (Matthew 7:7-8 ESV)
 
“And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.” (1 John 5:14-15 ESV)
 
During this season of decision, I am surprised to discover how much I have ‘trained’ myself to make decisions on my own without seeking His wisdom at all, and because of that, it has become difficult at times to discern and understand His prompting.
 
But as the above verses clearly state if I were just to ask Him, He would give and reveal anything to me. I can only imagine how much God probably would love to be brought into even more of my decisions—even the really simple ones! He would probably have a lot of perspective to offer.
 
I have wondered at how quickly decisions about the future can get me so caught up and confused that I forget about the reality of today. Today has its own worries and sorrows and celebrations and joys. I don’t want to miss out on those because I’m worried about next week or next year. There is a sense in which one must be practical in thinking about the future, but there seems to be a balance one must learn to walk between not worrying about a decision yet actively conversing with God about it.
 
It seems that, at least for me, this season of decision is actually a journey in and of itself, a time to practice dependence and trust and patience. And in the end the most important decision is that I decided to follow God no matter how crazy the journey was or how crazy the destination seems to be.
 
I’d like to just leave you with a short poem that I wrote as a reminder to myself to not get so overly caught up in decisions and worries that I overlook the here and now…
 
Live a life of distinction
   Walk with the confidence that the Savior walks beside you
   Walk knowing that the Savior alone has the power to change lives forever
   Walk boldly because nothing can stand in the way of you pursuing God’s will for you
Live a life of depth
   Be in constant communion with the Creator
   Be open to vulnerability and relationship
   Be sensitive and responsive to your inner yearnings and questions
Live a life without distraction
   See those in front of you in their despair and hurt, joy and celebration
   See them as the beautiful children that they are
   See God at work in and among everything around you